Cleansing Doom Days

Since my brother and some friends are curious about my cleanse, I thought I’d post updates on my progress, recipes, cheats and the like. Basically, the cleanse calls for no meat, dairy, gluten, refined sugar, or processed carbs. Oh, and no caffeine and alcohol. Fun!  Days 1-3 sucked ass but please note that day 4 was good and day 5 (today) is even better.

Days 1-3 (2 & 3 especially) left me foggy, listless, and exhausted. Like the first trimester of pregnancy exhausted. Like, could not make a fist exhausted. The Crazy Sexy Diet book suggests that ‘you may feel ‘fatigued’. Try bone-weary or knackered.

I did not take any notes on the first 4 days, but here, from what I can recall in my haze, is what transpired.

Day 1 and I cheat. I decide I may need to ease into this no coffee nonsense so I make one final coffee hurrah! Only I use my bodem. And make it way too strong. So that instead of being a loving goodbye it is a wretched gag. I maybe drink half and only because I know it is the last time.

Cheat #2. There is no way I am making dinner. I can not move. Bal steps in and makes pasta, a meaty sauce with garlic bread for him and the girls, a tomato, veggie-loaded sauce for me. The pasta was not gluten free however. Baby steps…

Day 2. From what I remember I made the Green Juice from the Crazy Sexy Diet book. It was okay. Fortunately, I had signed Brennyn up for a Kindermusik class on this day so I got out of the house with other people that I had to be polite (if not cheery) around. We danced and sang and banged (Brennyn stole the music sticks from me or I totally would have introduced heavy metal to the toddler set!) then headed off with friends for lunch. There is a fabulous cafe in town that provides a ton of vegan-friendly dishes and I oh so happily indulged in a gluten-free Soba Noodle Veggie Bowl. Huge, filling and delicious!

Unfortunately, this did not stop me from absolutely crashing by 1pm. The sun was shining in the bedroom so I sat at it to catch some Vitamin D and totally crashed for as long as Brennyn did, and only managed to get up because I had to go get Kaya from school.

Dinner was up to Bal again. Fried rice with no egg and tons of veggies.

Mint tea that evening to combat cold and cravings.

Fast asleep by 9:30pm!

Day 3 doesn’t fare much better. Mornings are okay. Juices are good and pretty filling but definitely hungry by noon. Veggies dipped generously in hummus that is sprinkled with Holy Crap cereal (love this stuff but Holy Crap is it ever expensive!)

Somehow I find enough energy to make dinner tonight but all I really remember is maniacally laughing (think Wicked Witch of the West) at adding 2 TBS white wine into my dressing mixture. My only cheat of the day though one I enjoyed immensely even though I couldn’t actually even taste the wine!

More tea, more sleep by 9:30pm.

Day 4 and I see a light. Less fog of the brain, more energy. Still, I wake up starving and decide today I will do a smoothie instead of juice. I add a wee bit of yogurt to get the texture right but add some spinach to counter balance my a slight dairy cheat.

Dr Oz’s blueberry avocado smoothie is recommended!

Lunch is corn krisps, hummus and veggies and the 2pm crash is lessened with herbal tea and some almonds. The rest of the day goes well until I realize it’s Friday night and how can one do Friday night without wine? The book tells me that if I’m going to cheat then having a couple squares of 70%+ dark chocolate is a reasonable way to do it.

So I do it.

Stay tuned for Day 5.

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