For about the past year, PMS for me has been excruciating. There are three 3 days of every month that I am engulfed in negativity and pessimism. For 6-8 months I didn’t even connect it to my menstruation, just felt like I had a bad few days. But, a really bad few days. Now that I have connected the dots to the predictability of this happening, I can at least weather the storm. Intellectually, I know the thoughts of doom and misery are not me. Emotionally, well, those emotions are still there.
Time to visit the doctor I suppose. Because even though it’s only 3 days, 3 days is too many. Especially if it is preventable.
The negativity that takes over is horrible. And so not me. And that’s just it. For three days I am not me. I certainly have more empathy for those people clinically depressed and can not fathom living in that fog of disconnect full time.
Even a tiny little issue in my life, like not fitting into my jeans quite like I did before the summer season for example, turns into me chastising myself for being lazy and unmotivated. Three days clear and my thoughts turn, like a switch, to what I can do to get back in shape instead of dwelling on the ‘poor me’s’ of how I got here. The predictibility of it is scary actually. Scary in the power of hormones.
All this to say that unfortunately, those three days fell right over Thanksgiving this month. If anything is going to keep the blah’s at bay, it’s my family and being outside so that worked in my favour. But it was still there, at night as I fall asleep, in the lack of desire to create any ‘thankful’ games or crafts.
Being in the clear now, I can look at the pictures from the weekend and be thankful but to be honest, for the most part gratitude was not what I was feeling in the moment.
And the more I type, the more I realize that I need to get myself to a doctor.
But I am grateful today for the weekend that was. Grateful for family and rain-free days to visit the Capilano Suspension Bridge and Laity Pumpkin Patch.
Grateful for sun rays.And fresh tree-top air along the treetop walk.I am even grateful for pouty girls who plant their bums in the middle of the path and refuse to walk any further without a snack. Because she makes me laugh. Even in my state.I am thankful that this picture makes it look like Kaya may have a slight bit of nerves walking along this cliffwalk. Even though she doesn’t. At all! Fearless girl ran way ahead, ran on glass walkways, peered over ledges. The reality is she only looks fearful here because she’s snarling at me who just gave her a lecture about leaning against the chain walls. A pessimist, doomsday mommy lecture. Which doesn’t impress my explorer.Which makes me grateful that the chains held and the boards were sturdy and that my family survived the impending scenarios of doom that my brain was concocting.The next day we head to my brothers for Thanksgiving dinner. First we meet Gammy and Auntie at the Pumpkin Patch!
Doctor appointment here I come.