So much happened on our 2 weeks away that it’s hard to compile it into one tidy little post. Plus, a play by play is boring. Last night while perusing my journal, I found a runny theme. Errr… running theme that is.
Excuse my play on words but the only distinguishable theme in 14 days of journaling, is poo.
Yes, poo. (And pee actually)
Every damn day of our trip has a story about excrement. Sorry to those of you reading who are not a parent and not well versed in the persistence of poo. But alas, Poo does not vacation.
Just ask Bal.
Story One on Day One features him. Getting out of town to begin an epic 14 day roadtrip is frustrating to say the least. Stop for coffee. Stop for gas. Surprise princess magazine, specials snack and bubble wrap bingo all finished within 30kms. Then Bal needs to stop. Emergency potty break. Breakfast did not agree with him apparently.
His face looks ravaged. Personally I think he’s being slightly dramatic since his face looks more pained than mine did giving birth but whatever. He passes by a rest stop without pulling in. I point it out while he curses fiercely.
Another 20 minutes go by before the next pull out with bathrooms, he veers in, parks and runs for the toilets. I try to occupy the strapped in children and wonder how the hell we are going to survive the next 3000km (I think 2000km at that point) It seems to be taking an awfully long time so I look out my window towards the washrooms when I see Bal.
Doing a jig.
Because this is the only Men’s bathroom in the history of the world that has a line-up.
Which is about when I just about pee myself from laughing so hard.
Eventually he gets in and on his way out buys 2 scratchies. I always tell him he’s a Lucky Shit but this is ridiculous…
Fast forward to the night of Day Two. I am woken up at midnight by the smell of pee. I ignore it and go back to sleep. At 1am I wake up to the smell again. Then at 2am and 3am and 4am. I spend the entire night trying to figure out what it is. Brennyn is dry. Kaya has not peed the bed. Bal or I neither. I wonder if Brennyn leaked out of her diaper earlier in the day and drug her bum along our bed. I wonder if the family dog has marked its territory while we were out for the day.
I concoct numerous scenarios to explain the urine smell and then when I do fall asleep, dream about pee worlds and piss waterfalls.
Upon waking, I am pissy. (sorry) Brennyn too actually which makes her Prime Suspect #1 in my paranoid pee stories.
In the end, upon packing I discover a dirty pee diaper at the end of the bed on a ledge. Brennyn’s of course but my fault for putting it there. In all my imaginings of pee paranoia, not one of them had me to blame.
Day 4 has one little princess pooping in a castle. Only the coolest thing ever. (according to the Princess in question)
“I remember we saw a grizzly bear poopin’!”
A couple of days go by without any pooccurences. (*groan*)
Unless you count imagining the immensity of dinosaur poop that is…
Then we arrive at my Dad and Stepmom’s camp. Not long after hugs of welcome, Brennyn reaches into her diaper and pulls out poo. While Gramma and Grampa pretend not to notice (and secretly wonder what the hell the next 5 days will bring), I shriek like a mad woman for wipes and water and help while pinning B in a straightjacket style hold while she wails. Welcome to my world.
Fortunately, no similar incident occurs during our stay.
The closest being educating Kaya on the fine art of the Lake Pee.
She succeeds, only without any discreetness or subtlety whatsoever. Ignoring my direction, she chooses to squat above the lake while giggling at her waterfall.
Mumbling a “Oh Lord have Mercy!” (I am not religious), I attempt to distract the rest of the family by donning a bikini showcasing my glaring white belly and thighs. I think it worked.
No, there will be no pictures thank you very much.
Finally, we finish this Poo Story with a gorilla. As any good story should do.