Presence & The Lack Thereof

It’s been a while.

I didn’t mean to not blog. But balance was not my thing the past two weeks.

Sometimes things just flow. Naps, inspiration, time and motivation all work together to allow writing, photography, mothering, bills paid and housework to all happen. Maybe not gracefully, but they happen. There was a sword in my flow these past two weeks. Or a toaster. Or fallen tree or something. Flow disrupted.

It occurred to me one day that I was not present. Not at all. I was ‘playing’ with my kids with one eye on a blog while the other pretended to be fascinated with the 458th somersault. Without distraction, without lists, without daydreams, I would be able to see that somersault as my child does. A great feat. A spectacular circle. A whirly twirly swirly wonder. I may even have tried it with her. To feel so free. Instead I read a boring blog. Or commented on another in hopes of winning a prize. Or played a lexulous move. Or clicked around for the sake of clicking around.

Why?

Normally when I manage the girls down for an afternoon nap together, that is my blog time. Mornings were focused on the girls, then I’d have a 2 hour block in the afternoon to blog or clean. So yes, usually blog.

Without motivation or inspiration, it instead became my cup of hot tea and bad daytime soaps time. Though they were just really, really bad. Like horrifically bad. So I turned off the TV and re-read The Alchemist instead. I last read it when I was 20 or so. Loved it then. Got a lot out of it then. Got a whole hell of a lot more out of it now. Which is so cool. Like it grew with me.

Just as the book says, things come to you when you need them, and this book found its way from the bottom of a box in the garage to me. My sister, facebook, a daily quote and bad soaps aided the way. Because I needed it to. Needed a recharge. A reminder.

I write this now on Sunday night, girls asleep, Bal watching zombies, me warm and cozy after a lavender bath. Feelin some flow. Not to say that it will be there tomorrow, thought there is a better chance.

Because I’m living in the moment.

And I guess that is all flow really is. A harmony of moments, strung together by living in them, not merely among them.

 

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