When picking a running partner, it is advisable to always pick someone who is slower than you. This not only boosts the ego, but also means they probably will not catch on to your sly ‘Oh, my shoelace came undone!’ ploy to have a break. And if they do catch on, they will pretend they do not. Since I have yet to meet anyone slower than me, this is all conjecture of course. Or bullshit. Same, same.
If, like me, you have to pick a running partner who is faster than you, ensure that they do not mind being called ‘Bastard!’ with salivia-filled, wheezing vehemence. This is non-negotiable. If they prefer not to be called violent names, dump em. Or let them run as they are. But please make your point known. Kicking mud at them works fine.
Fortunately, my running partner this past weekend also happens to be my little brother. Which means nasty name calling has been engrained in our relationship since Kindergarten taught me all about ‘Cooties’. Having already called him a bastard in a recent post, he knew what he was getting into. Dare I say, he even welcomed it? After all, the cynical son-of-a-bitch did just get back midnight the night before, from a 10-day vacation on a Caribbean island filled with friendly, gregarious, laid back folk. He was ready for some attitude. And I was ready to curse him and his tanned, pansy-ass self. See? Win, win!
Seriously though, it did work well. He was jet-lagged and happy to go for a ‘saunter’ while he chattered about his trip. I was happy to have him have so much to talk about so all I had to do was :
“Oh yeah…” *gasp*
“Mmm Hmm” *gasp*
and when it got really hilly a garbled “Uh huh” which he thought was me responding to his tale but was, in actual fact, me having a full-blown asthma attack.
Then suddenly, without my even keeling over, we were finished. We did the Golden Ears trail, part of the 5 Peaks Trail Running Series. Not during race day but for me to see if I could hold my own if I ever got brave enough to join race day. Looking at previous years results, it looks as though I could. I thought maybe back of the middle of the women but maybe more realistically, front of the back. Still, there would be people cursing and kicking mud at me!
Maybe motivation enough for me to sign up for a real race day yet…