I have been feeling a little, no, a lot, psychotic on edge of late. Kaya would be the first to tell you this if she could formulate her words to describe how she feels. One minute I am happy and calm and content. Then suddenly I am over-reacting to absolute nonsense. I get frustrated easy, yell swiftly and move onto laughing within a two-minute commercial break. I did not even realize this was happening until the other day when Kaya spilled some water.
Panicked, she immediately turns her wide brown eyes up at me, eyebrows rainbow arched, and stammers “It’s okay mommy.”
Yah. Of course it’s okay.
Then she runs to the kitchen to get a towel before I have a chance and runs back to clean it.
In this moment I see that she is trying to avoid, at all costs, her mommy’s yell.
Oh shit, I have been yelling haven’t I. Over trivial nonsense. Suddenly the magnitude of how my bad mood can affect my child so entirely shakes me. And this has not been a couple-hour grumpy mamma. This has been a two month, switch on and off at will, miserable mamma. Two months. Interesting since two months ago I started back on the pill.
Damn you birth control and your wacky hormone changes. Amidst cleaning, caring for, feeding and raising two kids, I knew that I hadn’t been myself but I hadn’t allowed myself a moment to consider why. Hormonal angst. That’s why.
Obviously it is time for Bal to go get his scrotum tampered with. And while this terrifies most of the male species, Bal, well I am pretty sure that he is more scared of the Moody Chick on hormones. Can’t say as I blame him.
Blueballs to numbnuts it is then…