The Trucker, the Pooper & Ms. Stink

Kaya is hacking like a trucker with a pack-a-day smoke habit for the past 50 years.

Brennyn is FUSSY and MISERABLE and I have to capitalize these words because that is how I am screaming them as I type. She did just have an excessively stinky poopy diaper explosion whereby I changed her into new clothes whereby she had an excessively disgusting vomit up and down herself whereby I changed her again so I am hoping she feels better now. She is miraculously sleeping at the moment so I will find out upon her waking.

Kaya too sleeps. Which means I should be showering as this is my 3rd day without one. In those three days I have been puked on, spit on, spilled on, wiped upon and even snuck in a hottub which is relaxing yes, but last time I checked, chlorine did not smell of lavender and roses. I stink. I am disgusting. The last thing I should be doing is blogging. Damn you Nablopomo.

Have I mentioned that Bal is out of town for the week?

Which is why I took Kaya to her swim lessons even though she sounds like she’s been rioting amongst tear gas for the past 24 hours. I knew I could get away with it. She’s a shy child and this was her first swim lesson. What are the chances she’d talk? And even if she did, she’d whisper. A whisper is a whisper, whether you have laryngitis or not.

For half an hour today we are all happy and healthy. Kaya willingly jumping off the ledge into the arms of her teacher (who are you child), Brennyn chomping on my finger watching the fun and me sitting, relaxed, as both girls are busy.

Since then we have shopped, snacked, changed diapers, ran for potty breaks, taken Riley out, made lunch, read books and got two children down AT THE SAME TIME for a nap. I should be showering, cleaning, laundry, preparing for dinner and/or napping. But no, here I am writing the most pointless blog post ever. I hate that. I seriously might just have to come back after dinner to attempt something worthwhile. Because this is just plain embarrassing. And obnoxious. But 2 posts in one day during posting one post a day for 30? That might be asking too much.

Oh god, I am FUSSY and MISERABLE and while I do not smoke, I have 3 mini chocolates from Halloween sitting beside me and I’m dreaming of a latte. So I am going to eat and drink and if the trucker and pooper allow it, I may even head for a sleep. Bal’s not home, we’re home for the night and I just won’t answer my door. Nobody will ever know I haven’t showered for 4 days…


2 thoughts on “The Trucker, the Pooper & Ms. Stink

  1. single-mommy-hood is not fun. The fact that you even leave the house is deserving of an award.

    ps – I suggest you take up smoking. If for nothing else but to mask the smell and give you a few seconds of euphoria. Though if memory serves me right, I have a vision of you and me at the Blue Max by the pool tables trying to smoke a cigarette that we got from Shannon. Both of us failed miserably. We did not fail so miserably on beer drinking. Thank god.

  2. hilarious! i’ll pass on the smoking but I think it’s high time for some beer drinking. hey, at least i don’t smell quite as bad as those college mornings (okay, afternoons) waking up reeking of beer and smoke and puke. lovely.

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