It’s a Sign

Sometimes long days on the road can make a girl delirious. Like when we passed a sign advertising the “Gaelic Indian” festival. As I am pondering what exactly a Gaelic Indian is, if there are enough to host a festival and how they came to be in New Denver, Bal asks me something about the “Garlic Festival”. Ohhhh, that makes only slightly more sense…

A couple of hours later, (or maybe a day, I don’t know, I have lost track) we pass a mountain with clearcutting on it. I become convinced that the clearcut spells something. Something that looks like “Marry”. How fucked up would that be to propose by clearcutting ‘Will you marry me?’ Really fucked up. Unless you’re a logger couple I suppose. Then it would be cute? Endearing? Nope, still fucked up.

We pass a non-descript blah building. Woah, double take! Huge letters scream out to me “JUNKFOOD JUNCTION”. Ahhhh, just about as scenic as the Rocky Mountains towering above me on the sandy beach of the calm waters of Lake Koocanusa.

It is at least 35 degrees Celsius and the sun beats down on me the entire drive (better me than the kids though). I am dehydrated and have sunstroke. We pull over in Yahk where I dunk myself in the creek. I am in a state of delirium at the time but from what I remember of Yahk there are really ugly, enormous bugs, a goat soap store and the Horny Owl Saloon. Horny Owl? Somebody actually named it the Horny Owl? It’s a real true blue Saloon so why the hell not. I google Yahk to see if it really is named the Horny Owl Saloon but instead learn that the red paper clip dude who traded up until he actually got a house said that he would trade anywhere except Yahk, BC. Rude. But funny. He recanted that statement but only if good ol’ George Stroumboulopoulos (his name should be mandatory for secretarial typing tests) from the Hour would film from Yahk. He did. I love George. I hope he visited the Horny Owl Saloon.

Hmmm, could it possibly be the Horned Owl? Nah.

Passing through Ootischenia, there is the dodgiest motel I have ever seen. If it is not deserted, it is most definitely a whorehouse.  The Best Little Whorehouse in Ootischenia. Anyways, outside of it there was a humourous sign “Alberta Dollar at Par”. Totally a whorehouse.

People are so skeptical. You probably don’t believe these signs I have seen. So this time I got proof. Documented evidence. It has not been doctored in any way shape or form. I do not know how to Photoshop. This is real people!



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