Today I am pissed off. A wee bit annoyed. Peeved if you will. For today has been all about the pee. Which is never fun.
I say this after cleaning up after my obnoxious dog. We were at the ocean today where she drank vast amounts of ocean water. She peed in the garage when we got home, peed outside and then as I was making lunch, just laid there, motionless and peed. Then lazily stretched, got up, piddled her way down the hall, layed down and pissed again. She is not sick. She is not paraplegic. She did not just give birth to a litter of pups whereby her doggy kegel muscle is loose and she does not have control. She is just lazy with a dash of stupid.
The day started out the same way. Me cleaning up pee. But this was my fault. Brennyn nursed at 5am. She needed a bum change after but was falling back asleep so I left her. My lazy with a dash of stupid. -sigh- After her 7:30am feed, I had her on my chest burping her when she peed. Only there was no absorption left in her diaper. So it crept out, and all over me.
After I changed her, and myself, and climbed back into bed, Kaya woke up, started to climb into bed with us, then stopped, had a look of sheer panic cross her face, ran to the bathroom and then burst out into a hysterical cry. I walk in and she was too late. There she stands wailing at the front of the potty, soaking her pj’s and the bathmat. This never happens. Potty training has, despite what you’ve read here, been a breeze. She is even trained at night time. But today she misses and she is devastated. “It’s okay sweetie,” I reassure her “accidents happen.” But inside I am wondering what happened, why now, is she regressing, could she be sick… After telling Bal, however, I feel better. “She’s a kid. A toddler. It happens.” he says with a shrug. Oh yah.
After cleaning her and the floor, we get ready for the trip to the ocean. Once there we walk, bike, explore and take photos.
At the dilapidated docks, there is an Inukshuk. Kaya loves Inukshuk’s so we head out on the rocky outcrop to go see it. Her face is joyous. But half way there, it turns panicked again. “I have to pee” she whispers desperately.
Yes again. Only this time there is no potty to even run to. There is no store, restaurant or even outhouse anywhere near us. I look around. There are no people either.
So here, on the rocky outcrop atop stones and seaweed, my daughter faces her first reality of womanhood. She learns the fine art of the squat.
Without a tree or a bush in site, I am thankful there are also no people. I whip down her shorts and she stares at me blankly. “Squat!” No reaction. “Squat” I repeat with still nothing in return. “You know, SQUAT!” But of course, she does not know. Why would she? She stands stiff. Frozen. Looking startled and entirely perplexed. Realizing the mess about to come, I take off her shoes, shorts and panties completely. Wide eyed and confused, my daughter stares at me as if I have gone mad. I probably do look it. I madly reach over Brennyn enclosed in the wrap, tear off Kaya’s clothes and flail her mini undies around squawking “Squat! Like this! Squat! Bend your knees! Bend! Quick! Yes, like that! Now PEE!!!”
And she does. At first tentatively. Dribbles to start. Then she notes my cheering her on and she lets it flow. Giggling, she finds pee splashing on rock and seaweed (and shoe and camera strap) especially hilarious. She almost falls but as any squatting woman will tell you, this is normal. Squatting is not easy. Or clean. But she did it. My girl did it!
I would say I’m piss-proud but since that’s a term for morning erection, I’m just going to piss off instead…