I Forgot

This being my second time around, there are many things that I forgot and am now re-living. This time I am aware how fleeting time is and since this is my last baby I am attempting to savour every moment, smell and grunt that comes my way.

Things I forgot:

  • How miraculous the placenta is. Seriously, if you give birth, take a moment to look over and be astonished by the placenta. It truly is a miracle.
  • How much it hurts. Yes, I have mentioned this previously but really, truly people IT FUCKING HURTS.
  • How much blood and goop is involved. A friend in Japan posted a picture of some god-awful underwear she was given and asked to bring to the hospital upon giving birth there and I laughed at the absurdity of such enormous velcro-y skivvies. But then I was in the hospital and was given 2 pair of ginormous boxer-brief style underwear made out of what appeared to be white bandage gauze. Which I suppose is appropriate considering I was one gigantic open wound down there.
  • How scary it is to poop for days after birth! Sorry, tmi I know but while some moms are all anxious making sure their babies are still breathing, my, well my anxiety lies soley in the fear of going #2.
  • How boring newborns are. They sleep. They eat. If it’s a really good day they flicker their eyes and give you a gassy grin. Then they sleep and eat and sleep some more.
  • How much you can love bodily noises. Every grunt, snort, burp, fart, sigh, and squeak is absolutely adored!
  • About cracked, bleeding, aching nipples. They look and feel like this:
  • Nipples
  • About baby smells. Brennyn is my Jelly-belly-Bean so named because every time I nuzzle my nose into her cheeks or neck or belly she has a new, delicious scent that I just wanted to gobble up.
  • How much people love babies. Suddenly people on the street who would never give me the time of day otherwise are my best friends. Old men are especially hilarious and adorable in this regard.
  • About late night tv. Having not stayed up past 9pm for the past 9 months, suddenly I am seeing things on the television that I did not even realize were allowed on television.
  • About infomercials. Oh the infomercials! How reasonable it seems at 3am to want, no need, the Bumpits. In the light of day, after an adequate nights sleep, the Bumpit is, of course, absurd. First of all, Bump-it becomes Bum-pit (much like the reveared arm-pit or as we teach our toddler for lack of any real knowledge of its name, the elbow-pit). Second, in these sane moments, I understand that in my world, on so many levels, flat is fabulous and I really don’t need a ‘bump’, nevermind the 2 FREE mini bang bumpits and 1 FREE hollywood bumpits. What the hell?
  • How enjoyable it is to devise evil plots to initiate the startle reflex in your newborn. (heehee, I just did it now with her passed out on my lap while I type- yup, totally enjoyable.)
  • How often you have to change diapers. Like, a kabillion times a day. A kabillion people. I do not tell tales.
  • About muffin-top bellies. Sigh.
  • How easy it is to fall madly and completely in love.
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