I have been working on mindfulness in my life. Living in the moment. Appreciating every moment without judgement. Not drudging up the past or worrying about the future. This is next to impossible to maintain while cleaning out my ‘junk closet’ (so much worse than the more common junk drawer), soon to be Kaya’s closet. Inside there are papers (papers & more damn papers), memory boxes/piles/bags, pictures/negatives/albums, cds, holiday decorations, empty boxes/bags I may need for something one day, clothes not worn in several years, books long forgotten but maybe I kept to read again one day (just not now. Or now. Or now…) Junk for the most part. Hard to let go junk. Mindfulness is not working for me on so many levels.
1. Junk is annoying. Junk you can’t bring yourself to throw away but have no room for (and let’s be honest, no real need for) is more annoying. Annoying is judging.
2. Living in this moment sucks. Organizing junk sucks.
3. As I sit amongst semi organized piles of junk in a dark, dreary room looking out the window at the dark, dreary sky, my mind wanders. It wanders far. To far off countries or puddle jumping with my girl or Hugh Jackman.
That is when I find a doll I picked up while a tour guide in the Maritimes. A Damn It Doll. Damn It Doll comes with a poem.
When you’re about to climb the walls,
Or stand right up and shout,
We’ve made for you a damn it doll
You cannot do without!
Just grab it firmly by the legs
And find a place to slam it.
Then as you whack the stuffing out
Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
Listen, I’m new to this whole Mindfulness thing. But it would seem to me that if I focus entirely on my body letting go of any negative energy by giving it my full attention, if I am completely in this moment of slamming this lovely little doll against this lovely little desk, if I really feel that slam, really feel the spit spray out of my mouth as I yell Damn it!, then that is Mindful.
Lovely Mindful little me.