Yah, my girl is all hip-hop already. It’s so hard to relate to her. I mean sure, I saw Jay-Z at the Pemberton Festival, but only so I could get close to Coldplay. The show was cool, umm, I mean ‘sick’ but mostly because I was in awe/pity of all the naked booby flashes and weird cultish hand gestures.
These behind-the-scenes Hip-Hop marketing geniuses (much like the Treehouse ones) have already targeted my two year old. She’s got the style. Whether pretty pink leggings or jeans or joggers, why is it that she always looks like this:
Somehow I suspect this is related to her suspicious singing too.
“Ring around the rosie,
Pocket full of ninjas…”
She’s also starting to speak an almost foreign language. Much like the absurd Snoop Dog inspired izzle/eezy/iggledy suffixes (don’t even get me started on the nicknames I endured if you know my last name) Kaya has started to add ‘illy’ or ‘olo’ onto all the words she already bastardizes in her just-learning-to-speak stage of life. So I have progressed from mum to mommy-moo-mi to now Mommily (mamma-lee). Better than bitch I suppose.
When asked to spell her own name, she automatically and insistantly responds:
At least those corporate bastards haven’t completely corrupted her yet. She still stays true to her roots saying ‘Zed’ as it should be rather than the vulgar ‘Zee’.
Then there is her constant, and may I say obnoxious, habit of asking “Whoooo daaaat?!” for everything. Person, place or thing. There is no distinction. Get your 5 W’s straight girl. And you’ve got teeth now, ‘th’ should not be an issue.
Kids these days. Time to put away Dr Seuss and bring on Rudyard Kipling.
I keep six honest serving-men
(They taught me all I knew);
Their names are What and Why and When
And How and Where and Who.
Finally, and perhaps most disturbing, is all this talk of ‘Walk-a-Pussy’s’ or commonly ‘Walk-a-Pussily’s’. Where did my child learn hooker slang? Oh shit, did she create her own Ho-Lingo? Time for mommy to burn the ‘College Dayz’ box-of-play apparently…
Oh, nevermind, look at that she’s just bastardizing the English language again.
Yes sweetie, what a cute Octupus you have!