Baby Cool. Pregnancy Sucks.

Kaya, at 2 years and 3 months of age, stands behind me, pats my back and whimpers “You okay Mommy?”

I did not expect her to be this young when she first had to comfort me. Sure, I expected it on her first day of Kindergarten as I cling to her legs willing her to be my itty bitty baby again as she pats me on the back sighing “It’s okay mommy.” (Or just ‘mom’ if she is all cool and mature already at five years- sigh.) Or maybe it would be at 10 years (or 8 or 6 -whatever- don’t bug me) when she learns Santa is a big, jolly, fat fib. Or maybe I’ll be really strong and she wouldn’t have to comfort me until she’s a teenager asking to go on the pill (if this were a journal, you would note the ink smudge where my tears have fallen)

But at 2 years? Comforting me?

I am a horrible mother.


Kaya starts to cry. “It’s okay baby,” HEAVE “Mommy is just sick.” I hold her in one arm while the other cradles the toilet bowl. My girl is scared. I am…


Kaya gives up. She runs away crying.

I am a horrible mother.

And I hate being pregnant.


This has not been an easy pregnancy. With 24-7 nausea, constant dry heaving and occasional vomiting, I am ready, at 15 weeks, for this first trimester to be over already. I mean it is over but why aren’t the symptoms? Why?

My husband thinks I am more exhausted this time than with Kaya. I don’t think so. I think he just hears me bitch about it more.


I have a business. I have a toddler.

While toddling my toddler to daycare before catching my bus to work, there is a brief moment to fantasize. “Naps are dreamy…” I dreamily drawl then laugh at my oh-so risque fantasy. But I can’t let it go. Naps are dreamy. It becomes my mantra. My enlightened ‘om’.


Naps are dreamy. Naps are dreamy. Naps are dreamy…



“MOMMY! I NEED BANANAS!” So much for the comforting. I get up, conceal my dry heaves the best I can and make breakfast, change a diaper, dress my child, pack her lunch, walk her to daycare and head to work (I think I even get a hairbrush through my own hair at some point).

Maybe I’m not such a horrible mother after all.


One thought on “Baby Cool. Pregnancy Sucks.

  1. Poor mommy! But baby looking after mommy is inbred I swear. You looked after yours in her blue times as well. With pats and kisses and smiles.

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