Holy Shit!

I forgot I have been completely absent from my blog for the past 2 months. Yes, Holy Shit indeed!

Not exactly planned but obviously we knew it could happen*. Only, I didn’t really believe it could ya know? It took us 10 months of trying with Kaya. 10 months of knowing exactly my ovulation cycle. We had prime, colour-coded sex days by the end for god’s sake. This time I don’t even know when my last menstruation cycle was. I mean, no clue. Which took my doctor very much by surprise. “You mean I’m not going to get a play-by-play of blood, sex and planted seeds?” was the look on his face. I think I registered relief on his face but could just have easily been a hunger pain.

Yes, one of the great side-effects of pregnancy is reading into what every other person on the planet is definitely thinking about me. My internal dialogue goes something like this:

“Oh my God, she totally thinks I’m getting fat.”
“Oh, oh, my boss knows. Not yet! I’m so not ready to train a replacement yet.”
“Oh no, he totally smelled vomit on my breath. I brushed guy. Honest!”
“Hilarious, he thinks I’m weeping at this dumb-ass movie. I’m weeping at the 2 giant sores that are my breasts you imbecile!”
“I’m not stupid asshole, I have pregnancy brain. Then I will have baby brain. Then 2 children under the age of 3 brain. Then… What? So what if I’m not a bleepin loner rocket scientist. Gawd.”

I think there was a time when I truly believed old people like me, old people producing little people, were wise. And mature. Wise mature me, yesssirreee!

Holy Shit.

*Not exactly planned but completely wanted by the way!


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