Danger Bay

The local news recently reported on the Australian government’s travel advisory for Canada. The news poked fun at the government site suggesting the Australian citizen EXERCISE CAUTION while travelling in Canada. It also states:

We advise you to exercise caution and monitor developments that might affect your safety in Canada because of the risk of terrorist attack.

and,

Heavy snowfalls and ice in the winter can make driving dangerous. The wind-chill factor can also create dangerously cold outdoor conditions. (Which struck me as funny until seeing what the Prairies are enduring right now! yikes!)

and,

The province of British Columbia in western Canada is in an active earthquake zone.

Alberta and British Columbia are also subject to avalanches.

Tornadoes can occur in some areas of Canada between May and September.

Bush and forest fires can occur any time in Canada.

All oceanic regions of the world can experience tsunamis, but in the Indian and Pacific Oceans, there is a more frequent occurrence of large, destructive tsunamis because of the many large earthquakes along major tectonic plate boundaries and ocean trenches.

I wonder then, should Canada issue a travel advisory to ‘exercise caution’ in Australia just in case you get eaten by a shark? Or slip under a hopping kangaroo? Or drink their wine whereby you end up in the sack with some random mate if only because he has a fucking brilliant accent? (Hell yes! That one should most definitely be posted on the government advisory! If it saves just one girl, one girl of that wake-up humiliation, then I will have done my part to save the planet…)

At any rate, if I were the leader of this fine country, here is a sample listing of warnings I would issue on my government site of travel advisories.

Fiji- Historically, cannibalism has thrived here. They tell you it does not occur today, but it does.

Galapagos- Not a country per se but a warning nonetheless. Many birds = Many poops. Many, many, many poops. Poops that may land, then droop, down your head. Droopy poopies are gross, if not life threatening.

Ireland- There is a shortage worldwide of hops. Limited hops means limited beer inventory. Limited beer inventory means locals are either a) making moonshine or b) drinking coolers. Either scenario calls for nasty locals and numerous pub brawls. Besides, if beer is low, the wise traveller knows to go where the wine doth flow.

Japan- Nobody told Sarah Connor that Japan existed. And that ROBOTS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD from there. A robot football match seems cool until one hooligan-metal-almost-human breaks out into a knock knock joke while the other robs you blind.

And on that note, where ever the day takes you my friends, please do exercise caution.

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