Idiotic Advertising

Every tight corner, spectacular viewpoint, construction zone and passing lane of the sea to sky highway has a story to tell. Every jaded commuter, unexpecting tourist, weaving biker and erratic driver does as well.

From the narrow escape of an oncoming vehicle crossing into your lane to the awestruck image of the immense ocean and infinate smurf blue sky backdropped by dotted mountainous islands, the stories burst forth as fast as Harlequin books are released.

As you round corner after corner, you never know whether you will be slamming on your breaks to stop for an accident or slowing down to simply admire the landscape. You never know whether you will be yelling at the crazy driver trying to pass you on the shoulder or shouting profanities at the timid driver not able to keep pace with the speed limit. Depending on the day, the views may come at you like a sudden onslaught of rain, sudden and intense, or you may clutch wearily at your steering wheel trying to see anything through the fog and sleet coming down.

Regardless the day, rarely is there a forgettable drive on this road. For good or for bad, more often then not the drive is a memorable one. Which is precisely why advertising your business on your vehicle works. For good and for bad.

I have seen far too many local business people driving like maniacs in their moving advertisments. Too bad they are smart enough to start their own business and adverise where they are sure to be noticed only to turn people away by risking said people’s lives.

So I wonder, would you treat your customers like this in your store?

Road Rage meets Work

1. Customer comes in and you immediately run up behind them and stay there as they look through your product. They look back wearily while you snarl looking them up and down suspiciously.

Most will attempt to ignore you but the occasional one may step fiercely down on your foot causing minor front end damage.

2. Customer comes in.
“Excuse me, can you help me? I’m not really sure where to go with this?”

“HONK! HONK! HHHHOOOOONNNNKKKKK!!!”

“Oh, umm, okay, ummm, sorry…” as they walk into a glass door flustered while trying to quickly exit the premises, never to return again.

3. “Wow, your product is gorgeous! If you don’t mind I am just going to browse around for a bit before dropping loads of cash in your establishment!”

“Get out of my way! Move! Faster! Take a picture buddy, it lasts longer. Move!” as owner then runs madly by customer and out the door leaving the customer unsure of whether to stick around anyways or move on as there is supposed to be a ton of good stuff in that other store, the much bigger one, down the way.

4. Customer walks in greeted by the finger.

Yes, all of us have a story to tell on the sea to sky highway. Some of us tell of romance, others tragedy and others still a thriller. But some business owners gamble with a ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’. Depending on your driver, mood, car and road conditions, the final result may indeed be a new client and happy ending. But it could also end in unresolved conflict and certainly some bad publicity. Worse still, you may find yourself in an untimely death for you and/or your business.

We all have a story to tell. Only we don’t usually pick our noses while we tell it. So if you are advertising yourself on the road, remember that person you are passing on the shoulder or tail-gating or shouting vulgarities at may be your customer. And we like nothing more than telling our story, to everyone we know, about that asshole business owner TRYING TO KILL ME. Yes, we all have a story to tell and I will be telling mine over and over and over again.

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