Evolutionary Process

Evolution: [ev-uh-loo-shuhn] noun

Definition

1. The process whereby one thing progresses to another. ex- a baby (not naming any names) nicknamed ‘my lil monster’ to ‘monster mash’ to ‘monster mashy’ to ‘moonsty mashy’ and finally to her new term of endearment ‘moonsty-moonsty’

2. The progression of a conversation:

Bal: “I wonder what I’d be doing if I was a stoner.”
Me: “You’d be fat.”
B: “What? No! Stoners are skinny!”
K: “Hmmm… True. But all those munchies? How are they all so skinny?”
B: “Wierd.”
K: “Seriously, name one fat stoner.”
B: “No one I know”
K: “Well there’s Chris Farley. John Belushi. Ummm…”
B: “Okay, but name one you know personally. Or at least one who’s alive.”
K: “Mommy playgroup does not give many opportunities for stoner friends. But yah, you’re right, even in college there were no fat stoners!”
B: “There must be some fat stoners.”
K: “Where are all the alive fat stoners? Calling all breathing fat stoners…”
B: “Time to let it go.”
K: “Okay.”

But the thought is unrelenting. The alive fat stoners are out there. Somewhere. Eating Doritos with sour candies, playing Guitar Hero in their basements probably.

3. A product of development. Such as parenthood. You know, when you start letting your baby cry it out. Stop checking every 5 minutes to make sure baby is still breathing. Don’t cringe at snot running down their crusted over noses. Turn the 3 second rule into the 3 day rule. Understand that ingested doggie hair will come out the other end just fine thank you very much.

-Antonym

1. Devolution [dev-uh-loo-shuhn] noun

Definition

My bank account.

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