It has been a month of valuable lessons learned. Important lessons. Life lessons. So get out your pens, take notes, instill these thoughts into your brain and you too can be so wise…
1. Never nurse your newly toothed baby in front of America’s Funniest Home Videos. Cuz your laugh will piss her off while she’s attempting to peacefully eat. She will scowl, pull your nipple around and promptly bite down.
2. Receiving two free nights at a hotel does not, in any way, shape or form, mean FREE. After parking, meals and shopping, the credit card screams $500! $500! $500! Add 18% interest onto that over several months seeing as there is no way you can pay now and FREE takes on a whole new meaning.
4. It is impossible to enter a Walmart, even with the intention of buying only 1 tube of toothpaste, without spending at least $50. Often times, much, much more.
5. Some babies do not enjoy nursery rhymes or sing-a-longs. Some giggle only when you headbang to Black Sabbath.
And there you have it. Words of infinite wisdom to live by.