I’m Back… Hopefully.

It’s been over 2 weeks since I’ve written anything. It started because I was in a 2 week bad mood. It progressed to Kaya getting sick. Then me. And we haven’t been home the last 2 weekends. Now suddenly it is May 22nd! I’m not entirely inspired to write still though. I do, however, have a few notes jotted down from our weekend getaway in Whistler to share.

Whistler, for anybody who doesn’t know it, is a ski resort town. It is also a party town. Ski, snowboard, snowshoe, dogsled, ziptrek, and snowmobile all day, followed by Apres Ski time at the pubs when the hill closes with beer, pub grub and a lot of mingling. Later, everyone drifts to the nightclubs, collapses into bed somewhere in the middle of the night only to get up early to catch Fresh Tracks to start it all over again.

So I wasn’t sure how my little family would feel hanging out in Whistler. No skiing. Baby and dog in tow. Hopefully we could manage a drink or two before putting Kaya to bed at 7pm. Wild and crazy stuff.

Being Mother’s Day weekend, I needn’t have worried. There were countless babies around. Always a ton of dogs. And the pubs welcomed us for Apres ski regardless of baby and dog joining us! So there we sat, amongst hords of horny Aussie, Kiwi, British and Canadian ski bums flirting with each other until we became the focal point. “What a cute baby!” some girls would shriek. “Great dog!” others would retort. “What a great family you’ve got.” one commented while offering to take our picture. Of course all of this makes me a proud mama. But another kind of mommy instinct kicks in too. It takes every ounce of self control I have not to yell out:

“Do you all have condoms? Ladies, have you taken your pill? Do not be fooled by this display of family cuteness and fun here out at the pub!! There is crying and puke and sleepless nights (of the unfun variety) and poo– lots and lots of poo!!! Not ready to be a Mother? Get your man to wear a Rubber! Don’t be silly, wrap your willy!”

Fortunately, my tirade does not come out. It doesn’t have to. Because in very short order Riley is being scolded for begging, then Kaya starts getting fussy and we madly chug our beer in the evening sun while quickly paying our bill and rushing out before the lil baby starts a tirade of her own.

But our little family gong show was not the only entertainment in town. Here is just some of the Whistler Wildlife (and I’m not talking bears here!)

-Snowpants with bikini tops

-Even better. Snowpants and highheels!

-Big, brown, furry onepiece Sasquatch suit with no cameras filming anything close to something resembling a Kokanee commercial.

-One piece snowsuits in general. Why?

-Mother’s Day Buffet Brunch Special- Only $49! Only–yah right. There better be one doozy of an omelette! At the same time, you could partake in Dine out Whistler where the top restaurants have off-season 3 course dinner specials for $35! And here I get an appy, main course and dessert! Guess which option we chose?

-The rearview mirror decor lacks pine airfresheners, Hello Kitty, or even dice but is accented instead with a stunning set of old, stinky Ski Goggles. Go figure.

-Suburban truck decorated for some young girls and their dads for the annual Father/Daughter Dance.

-The always favourite top-down convertables whether it be the appropriate +30 degrees Celcius or the more puzzling -10 degrees with toques on and heat blasting.

-a foursome from LA shrieking “I promise I’ll get off the weed when we’re back in LA!” Another yells back “It’s not weed! It’s grass! Lets pack some grass home with us!” “No really, I will stop after this trip! In 3 more days…” and they all stumble off giggling hysterically at their good fortune of being high for 3 more days. I laugh at them as they wander off and can’t help one more look back at them. There I am greeted with one of the woman (very cougar-like) dropped in the middle of the street, arms and legs spread eagle, making a very imaginative Pavement Angel.

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