Imperfecto Land

I’ve been in touch with an old friend. I sent him a note something along the lines of “Bal and I are still going strong. Added a house, dog and baby to the mix since I last saw you.”

Even as I type it now and read it, it looks awfully picket fence-y. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when he responded with a ‘You’ve got quite the perfect little family unit going on there.’ I just about choked back up the fourth cup of coffee I had been consuming (yes four- it had been a rough morning). Perfect family unit? You have got to be freakin kidding me!

I immediately flash back to the previous weekend. Driving back from my brothers new house, Bal and I take turns yelling at the dog to shut up. She will not stop whining and it is driving us crazy in the confines of the car. Soon, Kaya starts crying. No- she starts wailing. She is starving but refuses to eat. We are on the highway and have no where to pull over. So the dog whines and the baby screams.

Soon Bal and I are squabbling. I don’t remember over what.

The dog whines. The baby screams. The adults bicker.

Eventually we see a park and pull over. For sanity sake, we must get out of the bloody car. I try to nurse Kaya again. Bal sits there and pouts until I kick him out of the car with the dog. Kaya shrieks and will not eat still. We leave to go find Bal and Riley. Signs everywhere shout “No Dogs Allowed”. Ignoring them, we find a quieter spot and pretend we’re having a lovely family outing. Complete with dog tugging at her leash til she gags, Kaya trying to nurse but too distracted so pulls and yanks and eventually flashes my boob for all to see (a recurring theme), dog shaking wet sand all over us and people (only young, gorgeous single people it would seem) staring at the chaos that is my family blissfully unaware that someday this too would be them.

Welcome to my perfect family: land of the whining, neurotic dog, constipated screaming baby, and bickering, exhausted parents.

Anyone care to visit?!


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