These are the things I’ve pondered of late:
1. Why would a guest make the bed without any sheets? What is the etiquette for bedmaking when you’re a guest in a house? What is the point of making the bed when you know the host will be stripping the bed to wash the sheets? Why would someone take off the sheets put them in a corner and then make the bed knowing full well the host is going to have to rip off the covers and resheet anyways? This is what I want to know.
2. Why do I put so much faith in what I read on the internet is true? What makes ‘internet’ an authority? I was reading up on making homemade baby food, taking notes on a particular site when I came across this paragraph:
But beware! We are all familiar with the discomfort from wind, a common effect caused by foods such as these. Take care not to overfeed your baby from this food group!
Wind? Discomfort from wind? Not fart or flatulence or even passing gas but wind. It suddenly occurred to me that the author could be an 82 year old woman giving advice from back in the day. If I read on, she would no doubt tell me the best place to buy safety pins for my cloth diapers and that prunes help you to ‘#2’.
3. How is it that every night, every nap time, Bula the Hippo (Kaya’s bed teddy) ALWAYS ends up with her butt in Kaya’s face. Always. I put Bula beside Kaya, face to face all cuddly and cute. But inevitably, Kaya wakes up from her slumber with a neon green mooning Hippo in sight.
4. Why does every magazine, TV show and commerical have a Green edition right now? I mean I guess I know why. But it’s getting a little tiresome. They all proudly exclaim ‘GREEN’. They are all green coloured in theme. They all make it sound as if they are the innovators for such a novel concept. Maybe it’s a double entendre. Maybe the real ‘green’ meaning is that of the naive, inexperienced and unskillful people who struggle with anything unique and exciting.
5. Who created most of the nursery rhymes out there? Cuz they must have been slightly off their rocker.
Maid was in the garden/hanging out the clothes/along came a blackbird/and snapped off her nose.
All the Kings horses and all the Kings men/couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Cut off its tail with a carving knife/Have you ever seen such a site in your life/as three blind mice.
Peter, Peter Pumpkin eater/had a wife but couldn’t keep her/so he put her in a pumpkin shell/and there he kept her very well
Rockabye baby in the tree top/when bough breaks/the cradle will fall/and down will come baby cradle and all.
Momma had a baby and its head popped off.
Not to mention all the ones with mention of ‘cock’.
6. Is it appropriate to Kung Fu Chop the Public Health Nurse for suggesting you get your 6 month old babies ears pierced just because she can’t tell if her orange outfit is male or female when she is very shortly going to be injecting your baby with 2 rather large needles? Or should you just let it go and swear violently beneath your breath about the ignorance of old fuddy duddies without a clue?
(and does saying Fuddy Duddy make you a Fuddy Duddy?)