Behind every Arsehole…

My brother wrote about ‘The Death of Common Decency’. While I have never witnessed a guy spit indoors, I have had, as we all have, experiences with the common asshole.

Top 10 Arseholes in the past year:

10. Walmart workers who have their smoking area right out front of the entrance door and blow smoke right in me and baby’s face.
9. Thirteen year old punks who yell “Wanna Fuck?” as I pass them 3 months pregnant by myself on a hiking trail.
8. A supplier I called at work who was a supreme bitch until I reminded her that while waiting on hold for 20 minutes, a voice recording had told me over and over again that ‘this call may be recorded for quality assurance.’ and then suddenly she turned sweet as pie and I just wanted to bitch slap her.
7. A dump truck on the highway attempted to pass a truck up ahead of me on the highway but the passing lane was short and he couldn’t pick up speed so ended up at a corner in the oncoming lane and had to swerve back in so as not to hit an oncoming car and 3 of us had to slam on our brakes, screeching to a stop.
6. Me and my road rage in the last months of me commuting. After the #7 occurrence, I screamed ‘Mother Fucker Trucker’ as I slammed my breaks and it thus became my mantra while driving, honking and fingering other drivers.
5. Incompetent fast food worker who stands at the till, staring off into space, completely ignoring me and when finally acknowledges my existence, simply grunts.
4. Obnoxious Loud Talker (OLT) found here.
3. Guy on ladder yells “When are ya due?”
I respond “3 months”
Ladder Guy “Holy Crikeys! Ya havin twins?”
2. Psycho driver
1. My very own significant other who giggled, pointed out and commented every time my pregnant body let out a fart (which was often!)

Then there’s the gray area decent-or-not incidents. My top 5 (or only 5 I can think of off the top of my head) are:

5. Drug addict comes whipping into the agency on a most likely stolen bike high as high can be on crystal meth scaring the crap out of me yelling “Good morning! Good Day! Good life! Got any bottles I can return?”
4. Honkers such as myself who are merely trying to snap some consciousness into the dreamer ahead who does not see the light turn green.
3. Hairdresser who refuses to cut my hair short when I am 8 months pregnant because ‘trust her, I will be lucky to get a shower in, never mind blow dry and style a new short doo’. Fair enough I say having not showered today and my hair pulled back in a ponytail.
2. A certain significant other who did not tell me the dress I tried on and subsequently bought for my brothers wedding, made me look like a pregnant hooker.
1. An oldie but a goodie. The crazy German lady who wheeled her cart back into the travel agency and literally spat out, “Peasant Canadian!”

Now, having said all that, I daresay my brother needs to get pregnant (okay, well have a baby then) as, overall, I have never been treated better than when I was pregnant or carrying a baby around. Strangers have carried things to my car for me, held open doors that are out of their way, brought me snacks, given us baby things, and blissfully lied that I looked really great (especially at my brothers wedding where I was 39 weeks pregnant. I did not look great but fortunately, I had caught on to the pregnant hooker fiasco and wore something else). People smile, make small talk and go out of their way to have pleasant conversations with me. No, common decency is not dead. There are limitless small acts of kindness out there; you just first have to peer around the punks, bitches and road ragers to find them.

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2 thoughts on “Behind every Arsehole…

  1. I laughed at your lists and then nodded in agreement with your conclusions. Though how the German lady fell into the gray area, I don’t know – sounded pretty obnoxious to me.

  2. Ah yes, I should probably clarify the German lady in the gray area. She’s there mostly because that’s the funniest ‘insult’ I have ever been called, peasant Canadian. I suppose she was being rude but I just thought it was freakin hilarious!!

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